It rained a lot on this trip. Of the 7 days I traveled, only one of them was dry. On a few of them I found myself in absolute sheets of rain. Twice I pulled off and waited it out, rather than try to navigate limited visibility, standing water and of course drivers of cars who were in the same conditions, but often exercising far less caution. Sometimes the luxury of not being in a hurry is simple self-preservation.

When I planned this trip, my mind’s eye envisioned plenty of clear days with open roads and expansive vistas. There was some of that, but it wasn’t the prevailing existence. But that turned out to be just fine. Not just because of Gore-Tex, but because the impetus behind the trip was a different sort of clarity. Following on my father’s burial ceremony, I wanted to give myself the time and opportunity to reflect and process – the life of his I knew, the life I learned more about at its end, the relationship we had and didn’t have. I don’t know about you but I can’t reflect on demand. I need to get into the right mindset.

We talk about “taking a walk to clear my head,” but for me that’s not what actually happens. The only time I can “clear my head” is when meditating, which I’m tragically bad at. For me it feels like using a bucket to bail out a boat that’s sprung a leak. A big leak. But I’ve glimpsed some of the benefits of a clear head which, for me, is not the absence of thought as much as the removal of clutter that allows for more focused reflection. So “taking a walk to clear my head” is really more “taking a walk to redecorate my brain.” And since I’ve had the moto, I’ve found that being on the bike prepares me for decluttering better than anything else I’ve tried. I can’t actually “clear my head” on the bike. I’ve made that mistake a couple of times with nearly catastrophic ends. What I can do, and need to do, is remain present and focused. Which is not the same thing as clearing my head but achieves the same objective of removing the clutter.

I think that’s why I crave being on the bike so much – because of the mindset it helps me be in. These extended rides over multiple days in particular are transformational. You know how it feels to do a new workout for the first time, where you feel only awkwardness, frustration and lingering pain? But once you do that workout for a week you start to achieve flow, confidence and strength? On these long trips I’m never far away from that decluttered mindset, and snap back into it pretty quickly once I hit the road. The Dutch have a word niksen, which is the practice of doing nothing. Which is different than relaxing in front of a TV or scrolling through Instagram. It’s literally (terrifying) act of sitting alone with your thoughts and nothing else. It’s another way of decluttering your brain to see what creative thoughts filter back in. I think of riding in the same way. Maybe it needs a name, like braaapsen or something.

So I got my clear days after all on this trip. Maybe comparing the reflections I had with the “expansive vistas” I imagined breaks the metaphor, but I do feel the road ahead is more open than it was before I left.